Cricket Cricket
by Insaniacs
Summary: A Remus and Hermione fic gone bad. Very bad. But what a way to go. AND an appearance by us. As usual.


Cricket cricket by the Insaniacs 

Disclaimer: We don't own any of the characters…except ourselves…I mean, it's kinda hard to own anyone that's NOT you…especially in this world today, where slavery is outlawed in most parts of the world…

"Ooh, hey, wouldn't it nice to have sex slaves??"

"Don't we already?"

"Is it illegal?"

"They're willing…guess not…"

"WOOHOO!!!"  shouts six…seven…eight…nine…ten…eleven…NO twelve voices…no wait…IT'S LUCKY THIRTEEN!!!!  WOOHOO!!!  WILD ORGY!!!  WILD ORGY TONIGHT!!!!  

"Um..guys…PG-13??  Remember??"

"Oh yeah…"   "Damn…"  "Man, we were gonna go at it on the desk again!"  "We can still do that…just…no descriptions…"  "COME ON LET'S GO!!!"  "I'M COMING I'M COMING!!!"  

"That fast?"  SMACK  "Ok ok…ow ow…"  

"Um, guys, point of the plot??…um, Kristine, it's in your pants…"

"We'll find it later…let's just start the fic…"

"Ok.."

Now, Ch. 1!!!  The Struggle to Find the Plot 

Let the parody begin!!

Crowd:  Woo-hoo!!  

One day, during Hermione's wonderfully final 7th year at Hogwarts, she was transferred to a muggle school!!

Crowd:  BOO!!  Get off the computer!!!

Hey, I was kidding.  You know, making a joke!!  A funny!!  You didn't like that did you?

Crowd:  No!  It sucked!

Well, she wasn't!  Geesh.  She was sitting in DADA class, listening to Remus Lupin, the teacher.  Why was he the teacher?  If you don't know the answer already, go read all the other Remus/Hermione fics out there!  So, anyway, as she was taking notes, she began to daydream!  Why was she daydreaming?  Some chili was tap dancing on her desk, that's why!  

Crowd:  *crickets chirp*****

You didn't like that.  It was really because…*drum roll, symbols clap* she had a crush on Remus!

Crowd:  Woo-hoo!  Yee-haw!

Who hired the crowd of cowboys and cowgirls?  Oh well, that's beside the point.  Hermione was awoken from her slumber by the kiss of her true love, Prince Remus Lupin.  They rode off on his white horse and lived happily ever after!  The End.

Crowd:  ::blink:: That was, well, short.

Like that could happen in an Insaniacs fic!  Remus had really asked Hermione the answer to a question.  Hermione blushed.  She hadn't been paying attention!  Bad girl!  She should be punished!  

(And somewhere out in the crowd, a certain pyromaniac snickered…hehehe…punished…wonder if Remus would be doing the punishing…*WHACK*  OW!!!)

However, if I don't get on with the plot, this fic'll never get done, and my fellow Insaniacs will kill me.  

Crowd:  We won't mind.

Oh, shut up.  You're fired!

Crowd:  **** ***, *****

(Kristine) (w/ mallet) (and flamethrower) (and Veronica) (w/ her machete) (waving them menacingly)

Crowd:  (pees in pants)…er…Freak you, bitca?  (Runs away)

(Kristine) (and Veronica):  ::GRIN::

Thank you.  For the sake of the plot, Hermione was saved by the bell!!  Everyone got up to leave.  Remus asked Hermione to stay behind.  He needed to talk to her about her performance in class lately.  She had been daydreaming.  It was easy for him to notice.  After all, she had been drooling, sighing, looking at him with starry eyes, and scribbling "Remus Lupin + Hermione Granger = Love", "Mrs. Remus Lupin", "Hermione Lupin", and all that stuff on her homework.  So, naturally, he was curious.  

I wonder if it'll kill him.  No, then he wouldn't be a wolf…

Crowd 2:  We could kill him.

Who are you?

Crowd 2:  The terrorists.

Is Bin Laden with you?

Crowd 2:  No.

Are you looking for him?

Crowd 2:  Who isn't?  That's a lot of money to give away for one man.

Yeah, well, you can't kill Remus.  He's a vital party of the plot.

Crowd 2: (sulking)  Fine…but can we kill someone else for you?

Kristine:  You wanna kill Peter?  And we'll throw in Trelawney for $1.95!!  

Crowd 2:  Sure!!  (walks away happily)

Er…moving on!  Where were we?  Oh, yes…He was curious!  Curious as a cat!!

Olivia:  Meowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeowmeow.   (Translation:  "I want chicken, I want liver, MeowMix MeowMix please deliver!")

And the plot gets shot to hell!!  Ok ok, let's get on w/ the plot…that's somewhere in my pants…er, let's see…(empties pockets):  There's Draco, Harry, Ron, Spike, Tom Cruise…oh hey, Lestat…gee, where's Marius?…Veronica!  Is he still in there from when we left Hogwarts?

Umm…(rummages through pockets) Oh yeah, there he is!  I can't believe I left him in there!  

Moving on…(checks back pockets):  There's something in here…SNAPE!!!  Get the bloody hell out of my pants!  Go into Veronica's!

Snape:  Will do!  Gladly!  I was wondering why I was suffocating…(jumps into Veronica's pants)  I can breathe again!

And the smut continues…just kidding…

Crowd 3:  But…WE LOVE SMUT!!!

Sorry, but we'll throw in a nice orgy for you later!  

Crowd 3:  WOO HOO!!!

Moving on for the 50th time!

Olivia:  Kristine, this is the LAST time we trust you to put the plot in your pants!

Kristine:  YOU TRY HAVING…(counting)…6 GUYS in your pants!  Plus one that went into the wrong pair!!

Olivia:  Fine fine…we still won't trust you!!

Crowd 3:  JERRY!!! JERRY!!!  *BONK*  jerry jerry!  

***KABOOM***

Hmm…they didn't last long…thanks Veronica.

(Puts down rocket launcher)  I knew stealing from Buffy would come in handy!

Kristine:  Oh…yeeaaaaahhh…(stares at Spike)…it sure does!…

Olivia:  CAN WE CONTINUE??!!!

Okay…while Kristine searches for the plot…WE'LL SING!!!  Kristine, the flamethrower!

WHOOSH!!  A fire crackles merrily.

(In John Travolta disco suits)  BURN BABY BURN!!  DISCO INFERNO!!!  BURN BABY BURN!!!  BURN THAT MOTHER DOWN!!!  BURN BA---

AH HA!!!  (comes out with plot…that was in her **shoe**)  THE PLOT!!!

All Crowds:  WOOHOO!!!  YEE-HAW!!!  SMUT!!!

Crowd 2:  Where's Peter?  And Trelawney?  Don't worry, you'll have your rat and bat!

Crowd 4:  BATMAN???!!!

NO!!!

Crowd 4:  The Joker??

NO!!!

Crowd 4:  The Riddler??

NO!!!…although, do you want Riddle in this fic?  

Crowd 4:  YES!!! BRING ON THE RIDDLER!!!

Voldemort:  IT'S VOLDIE!!!  TREMBLE AT THY---I mean…VOLDEMORT!!!  TREMBLE AT THY---

Crowd 4:  OH SHUT UP!!!

Voldemort:  AVADA KEDAVRA!!!

…well, there goes Crowd 4…

er…guys?  Plot?

Oh, oh yes.  Well, I think we've babbled enough in this chapter…Let's move on to the next one!!  

Ok…


End file.
